Sharing my thoughts

because they are a jumble.

I have a friend.

She's caught some rough breaks in life lately.

She lost her mom.

One of her twins had long term medical procedures to correct a birth defect.

Her husband left her (with no/not enough support).

She has 8 children.

One of her children just underwent major surgery.

An infant left in her care, died of SIDS.

Her father died.

Another infant she cared for died in her home yesterday.

This is a woman I have known for over 10 years.

My children have played with her children.

Gone to school with her children.

I have laughed with her and cried with her.

I loved her mother like a second grandma to mine.

Her son and my son are friends.

My husband called this morning with the news.

I've been praying all morning.

He called back.

The infant that died is the son of a former co-worker of his.

I've laughed with her and cried with her.

She is from China.

She and her husband left a child there with family so he could come here and teach.

While here, they had two more children.

They wanted to stay in America.

If they had returned to China, they would have had their other two boys taken away.

She had their fourth child in the fall of 2009.

Another boy.

I remember we shared stories and advice because she also had three boys.

They were so excited.

And now...

there are two families suffering.  Two families where life will never be the same.

And I don't even want to think.

Or question.

Or hear.

I don't understand.  I don't know how to feel, or what to feel.  I am at war with myself.  Trust, belief, faith and confidence battle with fear, confusion, mistrust and disbelief.

I ask that you pray for these families.

Their friends.

The investigation.

The investigators.

The public.

In times like these, when I don't know, I try to leave it with the Master.  He knows.  I can't ever really know the truth of what happened.  But I know their pain.  And I know that it is hard enough when it is private, but when it is paraded in the public, it is a living hell lived in front of all.