Monday, April 12, 2010

Okay, so I've spent the last two days flat on my back doing not much else but sleeping.

Seems my cute little tatertot who came to play last week brought a little bit more with her than her toys.  Little Miss J brought me the flu.
A knock you down.  Twist your tummy in knots.  Fever so high you're praying you'll pass out.  Too sick to even lift your head.  Flu.

Tonight I got to catch up on one of my favorite tv shows, since anything more than moving my eyelids still makes me dizzy.  Extreme Home Makeover.  Online.  Limited interrruptions.  I now know beyond the shadow of a doubt that CVS is the only pharmacy I will go to for all my shopping needs.  That Sprite is the drink of choice from now on and that the Blue Crew at Sears-well, they just rock!  Their spirits of giving just blow me away.
And after tonight's forty three minute show, I am now a Jeff Gordon fan.  Not NASCAR, mind you.  Just Jeff Gordon.  Okay, and Clint Black.  I really like Tyler Perry too.  Celebs on the show help me think maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are in the world.

The people these shows are built around amaze me.  Parents of four, who adopt nine other children, three of whom have special needs.  A mom who watches her first responder husband struck by a car and goes on to become nurse, caregiver, taxi shuttle driver, and sole bread winner.  A young couple who take the wife's five siblings in to raise when her addict parents are incapable of being parents any more.

They make what I worry about on a daily basis seem pretty small indeed.
This morning's offering at the worry alter.
Did Bean have the soup he likes with his lunch today?  I was incapable of getting out of bed to pack it for him.  Javi stepped in and saved the day.

What will hubby have for lunch when he comes home since I obviously slept right through the noon hour?  Well, he made it home after work before Bible study and didn't look the worse for the wear.

What is C-man doing downstairs while I'm upstairs dying?  LOL 
History.  I hope.

Are all our "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted to finish getting Javi into school next fall?
Oops.  Not yet.

So many "What is--?" "What if--?" "How will we--?" "How can I make--?" questions that don't seem nearly as stressing now as they did last night and today during my awake periods.  Not all of them are so trivial as the ones above.  I have loved ones who are sick.  Loved ones who are suffering and struggling.  My own fears for the future of the boys.  You know, all the ones you've all had yourselves through the years.  The ones that make you lie awake at night because they've run through mudpuddles and are leaving wet, muddy footprints wherever you look and there doesn't seem to be a mop in sight.

But, look.

When we know the answer to one question, the rest really is just icing on the cake.  Ann over at 
 Holy Experience has had me thinking all weekend.  Again.  Funny, how she can do that.

About how for a Christian, the question of identity isn't about who we are.
A good mommy who makes sure her Bean has what he likes for lunch.
A wife who has a hot meal prepared for her husband everyday.
A homeschooling mama who had it all planned out and perfectly executed.  Even in her absence.
A mom of an almost college freshman with her finger on the "enter"  button for all he needs to succeed.
Perfect gardener. 
Home decorator and designer.
Maid extraordinaire.
Ironing all caught up.
Laundry-so done!
Hip-ly cool mom.
Hair perfectly coiffed.
Fabulous parent.
Tidy clothes on tidy kids.

All of these things are great at describing who I want to be.  Who I hope people see when they look at me or my family.  But not bloody-probably-likely.

But, they don't say Whose I am.

And this, is what Ann says I should be accepting of.  And in that acceptance, I have died.  Or should have.  LOL  Died to the worries and fears I have because my book has already been written.  I even know the end and I'm not the One Who wrote my own story.  Now, I can't read every page or even a paragraph in advance, but I do know how the story ends.  And because of that, I'm learning that everything else is, well, just icing.

Funny, how knowing Whose I am and letting go of figuring out the rest of it can help you sleep a little bit better at night.  Smile a little wider at a stranger.  Lift your head a little higher when someone tries to belittle you or force you into playing their games.  By their rules.

Knowing that, in the end, everything really is going to be okay.

Good night all.


  1. Wow. So reflective for one so sick. I have to come back and read this again when I'm not so tired. I'm glad you didn't die :).
    Blessings -- joan

  2. What a beautiful post, and so reflective!! Sorry to hear you have been so sick though! It makes it tough when us mommies get sick!! So glad you are starting to feel better!!

  3. What wonderful thoughts, Dee. Glad you're feeling a bit better - it's tough when the mom is sick!

  4. i do hope you are feeling better soon! praying for you!

  5. I hope you feel better soon! I needed your post today, just pulled my head off the desk from a good cry and read your post~and you're right~we have not a dang thing to do with it~it is what it is, and will be~all we have to do is believe. . .thanks, my friend.

  6. Wow, I don't know how muddled your brain got during the flu-yuck, but it surely is clear now. Thank you for giving me something to remember and think upon when I wake up tonight in the wee hours......and I will wake up.......yes, I thank my LORD for you and for the other website that inspired this part of your post and for HIS WORD, from which all confidence comes.

  7. i am so sorry that you have been always your words moved me.

  8. So sorry you were feeling terrible. You are much more constructive and coherent when you feel bad than I am!

  9. I hope you feel better! Get some rest. Talk to you soon.

  10. Glad you are feeling better. Beautiful pictures.


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